Small is All: Embracing a New Mindset as Parents of 2e Kids
In today’s fast-paced, “go-big-or-go-home” society, it’s easy as parents to feel overwhelmed by the emphasis placed on our children’s achievement and success. This pressure is particularly acute for parents of twice-exceptional (2e) children, as we are constantly bombarded with deficit-based narratives about our kids—daily calls from schools regarding behavior, discussions about unmet IEP goals, and the feeling of constant negativity surrounding our children’s ability to meet expectations.
Like many parents, I find this constant commentary about what my child “can't do”, “isn't doing”, and “should be able to do by now” debilitating. This deficit-based narrative is dangerous because it often impacts our perception of ourselves as parents. It can leave us feeling inadequate and like failures. Even worse, we may also start seeing our children through this deficit-based lens.
But what if we empowered ourselves to change our mindset?
What if, instead of focusing on these big accomplishments, we redefined success in a different way? What if we adopted the philosophy "small is all?”
Small is All
“Small is all” is a concept that encourages us to appreciate the significance of incremental progress, small joys, and simple experiences which can have a powerful impact if we take the time to notice and celebrate them.
What would this look like for our families?
Creating Opportunities: Nurturing Strengths and Interests
An important aspect of the "small is all" mindset is prioritizing our children’s strengths and interests. By encouraging them to engage in what they love and do well, we reinforce the idea that their happiness and passions matter far more than what others think should be important. When we prioritize their interests, we are prioritizing their joy over everything else.
To truly nurture these strengths and interests, we need to make space for them in our lives. This means creating room in our homes for self-directed projects, and allowing our children to explore their creativity freely. We should also make time for interest-based classes that align with their passions. Whenever possible, engaging in these interests alongside our children places our value on what they value, and strengthens our bond with them. For example, my daughter has never seen a crafts project that she doesn’t love. Even though crafting is not my passion at all, doing projects with her shows her that what she loves is important to me. I have even learned how to use a hot glue gun, just to show you my commitment! ☺
By creating an environment that makes our children's strengths and interests integral in our family’s lives, we send them a powerful message about what is truly important.
Recognizing Small Wins
It’s essential to acknowledge the moments in our child's daily life that may seem small but are actually truly significant. Did they explore a new hobby, make a new social connection, or advocate for themselves in some way? For our 2e kids, these moments are not small—they are powerful milestones in their journey toward living a full and authentic life.
This week, my very anxious teen took a live, online class (yes, at YSA!). This was a huge step for him! His anxiety has made many social interactions challenging, so for him to participate in this class and genuinely enjoy it marked a significant "small is all" moment for our family.
By taking the time to recognize these moment and to acknowledge their significance, we foster an environment where our children feel accepted and seen, regardless of how they compare with traditional expectations. Furthermore, by celebrating these small wins, we not only uplift our children but also strengthen our own resilience as parents, helping us maintain a more positive outlook amidst the negativity.
Embracing the Challenge of Mindset Shifts
Shifting to the "small is all" mindset is not easy. We’ve all been conditioned since childhood to value certain achievements—big milestones, accolades, and external recognition. Letting go of that mindset can feel hard and I often find myself slipping back into the “go big or go home” mentality, pushing my kids out of fear that they won’t meet societal expectations. It is a constant emphasis on reframing my mentality.
What has helped me is keeping a journal where I jot down all the “small” things that happen in our lives. It could be something like having dinner as a family for the first time in a while, or it could be a meaningful conversation with one of my sons about something he’s passionate about. It could be about his new YSA class.
I read these notes often and it helps to keep me grounded in the “small is all” philosophy. It’s a way to anchor myself in the present and refocus on the joy and progress that might otherwise get lost in the noise that fear and negativity bring.
Conclusion
By embracing the 'small is all' philosophy, we not only redefine success for our children, but also enrich our own experiences as parents. This mindset helps us combat the deficit-based narratives that often surround our 2e kids. Let’s commit to focusing on the small moments that bring happiness, fostering an environment where our kids can thrive in their own way and in their own time.
How has the "small is all" mindset played out in your family recently?