Creating A Strength-Based Life With Intentions, Not Resolutions
Happy New Year!
I hope your holidays were full of joy and rest. For many people, the new year means a chance to create a resolution – to make a change in their lives. The thing is, resolutions can often include a lot of shame. They are often not specific enough to create actionable goals.
Intentions, on the other hand, are built on affirmations and goals. Instead of making a resolution this year, I invite you to set intentions around building strength-based opportunities in your child’s life.
We talk a lot about strengths here at YSA. We talk about creating a strength-based school year and building strength-based IEPs/504s. We even talk about how games like Dungeons and Dragons are strength-based at their core and are the best pathway to help our students thrive.
Twice-exceptional students (and most humans in general) THRIVE in strength-based environments because they want to do well, and they want to be recognized for the things they do well.
Building a strength-based life with intention means incorporating a strength-based lens in all aspects of your life.
Here are a few tips on setting intentions:
1. Focus on adding, not subtracting. When making resolutions, it’s easy to think about all of the things we wish we didn’t do. We want to “take away” negative behaviors. When setting intentions, however, it’s better to fill your life with the things that bring you joy. Focus on creating MORE opportunities to achieve this joy. For example, an intention might be: “Spend more time in nature with my kids” whereas a resolution might be “Spend less time on screens”. Focusing on the places you can add in opportunity, joy, and balance, keeps the experience strength-based and affirming, rather than slipping into a spiral of dread and shame.
2. Focus on the present. When setting intentions, it’s important to frame the intention in a present tense. For example, “I am connected to nature” rather than “I want to connect with nature more.” This simple reframing of a goal creates a powerful change in your self-belief. Doing things you already believe you can do is way easier than trying to achieve something in which you doubt yourself. You can set intentions for the future as well, such as “I will spend more time in nature,” but try and limit these types of future-tense intentions to overarching goals and daily practices. For example, I might say, “I am connected to nature. I will honor this connection by spending time hiking, biking, walking, and sitting in nature.”
3. Write it down. For many of us, writing things down makes them real. Take a moment, write down all of the things you want to do. Maybe, you want to find a lot of new programs for your kids. Maybe, you want to learn more about how to scaffold their learning needs. Whatever it is, go ahead and write them down. Once you write all of these desires down, you can start building them into intentions by reframing them. When you initially write it all down, don’t take to time to filter it. Go ahead and write down everything you want to do, even if they are a “subtracting” item. You can reframe it later.
4. Address limiting beliefs. Many of us fail to set intentions because we believe we can’t. We don’t think we can lose those last few pounds, so instead of making a resolution to do so, we just believe we will never achieve it. Then when we don’t achieve it, we actually affirm a negative belief that “we can’t” do it. It’s a vicious cycle. The great thing about intentions is that they can help you address those limiting beliefs. When you write down your intentions, pay attention to what limiting beliefs pop up. If we use our nature example again, a limiting belief might be, “I love nature, but I just don’t have time to go galivanting about in the woods.” This type of negative belief creates a whole scenario about what “spending time in nature” is and isn’t. It leaves no room for creative problem-solving, nor does it honor an important aspect of a person. We create limiting beliefs in our kids too. We say things like, “Juan loves stories and wants to be in a book club, but he can’t because his dyslexia makes it too hard.” By setting intentions such as, “Juan is an avid reader. I will find opportunities for him to show his love of stories,” we can support Juan’s strengths, rather than focusing on his limitations.
5. Build a daily practice around intentions. Take 10 minutes every morning and read your intentions. Then see how you set intentions for the day. They can be connected to your yearly intentions, or they can be new. They can change each day. The practice is for you to be more connected with the things that bring you joy and intentionally build those things into your life. This one is always hard for me because I’m not a very habituated person. However, when I take 10 minutes a day to just focus on my intentions for the day, I find that I am able to stay way more grounded than I am when I don’t. Some days, my intentions might be, “I’m going to walk the dogs a bit longer today to enjoy the change in weather” or it might be, “I am going to keep my cool today by taking lots of deep breaths during my child’s birthday party .”
PRO TIP- To help you achieve this new daily practice, analyze your typical day and find a recurring event that you can anchor your intention to. Then, set a reminder on your phone to go off each day at that time/location For example, if you make tea around 6:40 each morning, you can set a reminder on your phone to go off at that time each day. If you really want to make sure this a win, try including a second reminder system, too. Perhaps you have a sticky note near your tea kettle that reminds you to review your intentions.
Remember, intentions don’t need to be lofty or grand. They just need to be important to you. This is really an opportunity for you to focus on your strengths and identify what brings you joy.
May this new year be full of opportunity, love, peace, and joy - from our Village, to yours.
Which one of these tips most resonates with you? Comment below:
