Expert Tips On Supporting The Adults Who Support Your Child

We all know it takes a village to raise a child, but…

sometimes, when our children are neurodivergent, the neurotypical village may not have the skills necessary to support our children. Teachers, coaches, and neighbors are all part of our children’s lives, and these adults often create the framework through which our children understand the world, especially in terms of safety, support, and even healthy relationships.

By taking an active role in our own village, we can help cultivate a network of trusted adults who can help our twice-exceptional/differently-wired children grow and flourish.

If you've been wondering how you can better support your child…

Here are some Expert Tips On How To Support Adults In Better Supporting Your Child:

1.       Find a reasonable fit. When looking for programming for your student, one thing to keep in mind is your child’s learning preferences. Some kids connect best with adults who are very warm and friendly. Some connect best with adults who are firm and to the point. If possible, talk to the adults to see if they may be a good fit for your child and your child a good fit for the program.

This is especially important for the adults in any non-child preferred activity (therapists, dentists, tutors, etc). Your child may already be struggling with the anxiety of the activity. A mismatch in personality types can become the thing that overwhelms your child’s nervous system. As much as possible, have your child meet the adult prior to the beginning of the activity, and give your child as much agency as possible about the adults in their own network.

2.       Introduce your child. When a child starts a new class, program, school, etc, a powerful way to help the adult mentors (teachers, coaches, etc) can be a student profile. This is often a paragraph to a page (depending on the situation) that provides a brief overview of your child’s strengths and any challenge areas. PRO TIP- bullet points are really helpful and often more actionable!

For example, I have one child who has anxiety, and even loved and chosen activities can sometimes be too overwhelming. In these instances, we may have to cancel a class or a session with very little notice. I make sure that prior to starting any activity, the adult mentor is aware of this tendency so that they don’t take it personally and can instead support my kiddo. We also make sure to always pay for the time that we use, even if we have to cancel it. It’s also really important to include your child’s strengths in this overview so that the adults can help support a strength-based learning approach.

3.       Keep lines of communication open. I know how hard it can be to keep up with the multitude of messages about your child’s progress, especially when they can be in multiple formats or for multiple children. But, as parents, if we expect our teachers and coaches to respond quickly to us, it’s important that we be respectful of their communication time and effort as well.

Parents often act as the mediator between our children and the rest of the world. It’s important to listen to both our children and our village, even when the conversations can be tough. If a teacher or coach needs to speak with you about your child’s behavior, practice listening objectively. If your child tells you about how mean their teacher is, help your child define the SBI – Situation, Behavior, Impact. This is a practice for looking at situations more objectively so that we can provide actionable feedback.

4.       Include neurodivergent mentors. Neurodiverse students may often feel pressured to conform, which can create a lot of anxiety and self-doubt. Students may also struggle with accepting their own conditions or disabilities, and see themselves as “less than” their neurotypical peers. It is so important to help find your children adults with similar lived experiences.

Join neurodiversity-affirming groups, especially those with intersectionality (i.e. Autism in Black, NeuroQueer).

Do you know of other great neurodiversity-affirming groups? Comment them below!

5.       Trust your and your child’s intuition. At the end of the day, you the parent or guardian are the main support of your child. You need to be the final gatekeeper of any adult who interacts with your child. This is where trust and open communication with your child are critical. If your child does not like an adult, trust them.

Your child may not have the verbal abilities to fully explain what they don’t like about an adult, but even young children develop preferences for certain people.  If you or your child don’t feel safe (emotionally or physically) in a situation, honor those feelings. If your child’s teacher makes them cry, remove them from the classroom if possible. No human should be forced to stay in a situation where another person demeans or devalues them – even children.

At the end of the day, we are all interconnected. The stronger our village is for us, the stronger it can be for others.  

Speaking of the village, please share:

• How are you giving back and supporting other children and families?

• Have any tips to share on how families can support their village?

• Share them in the comments below:

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