Where Is The “Fun” In Executive Function?
I have a pretty positive self-concept, in fact, I would say that I genuinely like the vast majority of things about myself. So, when I say that my biggest challenge is task initiation and follow through, I don’t say that from a place of self-deprecation, but rather as an honest treatise about my never diminishing stack of to-be-read books and started, but abandoned hobbies. My husband would say that one of my greatest strengths is my ability to look beyond the 4 water cups on my nightstand and magically balance another one between the book I intend to read next and a half-painted mini-figurine.
I have many strengths, but like many other folks with ADHD, I have a thousand good ideas in my brain that swim around until they starve slowly from lack of care and feeding or burrow so deeply into my skull that I can think of nothing else until I start, and then abandon yet another mostly finished project. I know I’m not alone in this, because I also have three children who have joined me in this ADHD journey. Executive function is not fun for me, it’s not super fun for my kids, and I think it’s not so fun for my husband who is often the frontal cortex of our family.
So, what is executive function and why should we care?
Seth Perler (an executive function guru if you will) has a great video talking about what executive function is. He says it’s where our brain helps us execute complicated tasks. Seth should know. He specializes in coaching kids and adults with executive function issues, and he’s pretty well known in this context. Executive functions include all manner of higher brain thinking like organization, planning, time management, prioritizing, etc. All of these things are really important for being able to live our best life. This is why we are super excited to have Seth Perler speak at a free event at YSA. Seth Perler is going to be sitting down with Mr. Sam to talk about executive function and our 2e kids on August 1st, 2023. This will be an amazing event, so click here to sign up.
How else can we help our children (and ourselves!) navigate the world of deadlines and expectations without also killing their joy or straining our relationship, while still injecting just a little bit of fun back into executive functioning?
Start with compassion and relationship. Give yourself and your kids a little bit of compassion. Living in a task-oriented world when you are a little bit of a squiggle is hard. Your kids need you to see them in the mess and help them figure out how to get out of it. When we are in the mess, it’s often really hard to know what to do first. Your kids need your compassion to know that they aren’t being willfully disobedient or messy, they just haven’t internalized the process for starting a task, planning out the steps, or even bringing a project to completion. You can help by always starting from a place of compassion and relationship. Sometimes, we just need to sit with our kids in the mess or the failing project because they are tired and frustrated with themselves. We just need to be there with them where they are.
Find a management system that works. Effective management systems can help you or your child escape the feelings of overwhelm that often come with executive function challenges. Every mind is different, so it’s important to remember what works for you may not work for your child. Help them find one that works, and support them as they change and modify it along the way. You may even find that a “Frankenstein” system (as Mr. Sam calls it) works best, with pieces from multiple different systems all working together. For example, my management system right now is a notebook that goes with me everywhere. I update my “to-do” lists every morning on a sticky note, and I set reminders for tasks that need to happen on my calendar. This is the system that works for me now in my life, but I’ve used many different strategies, and all of them work until they don’t. It’s ok to change a system that isn’t working, even if it feels like it should!
Develop the skills you want and need. There are a lot of different ways to develop the skills you need, including coaching sessions, therapy, or even classes or training. Our Young and Thriving classes are designed specifically to help young 2e learners develop these skills. Often, executive function challenges can really begin presenting themselves in previously “successful” students when their workload increases and the cognitive load increases. They just don’t have the skills to math the demands.
Learn more about it. I am a firm believer that knowledge is power. Help you and your child gain power and self-agency by learning more about executive function, how you can develop skills to support it, and how to navigate challenges that can come up. Find a support group. Have candid conversations with your family that normalize some of these behaviors and challenges you all have. I often hear in parent support groups how freeing it is to hear how other parents navigate similar challenges. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone! I often find that these same parents have some of the best ideas, resources, contacts, etc.
If this sounds like you want to hear more about how to support your children (and maybe learn a few things for yourself, please join Mr. Sam’s conversation with Seth.
You can RSVP here. This is really an incredible opportunity to meet Seth Perler and ask Seth your burning questions!
After you've signed up for our event, your next step should be to go here and register for this event to learn from top experts:
The Executive Function Online Summit (TEFOS) is August 11-13. This is a free, online event to learn more about how to support students with executive function challenges. This 3-day event includes speakers such as Seth Perler, Joy Davis Lawson, Emily Kircher-Morris, and Mr. Sam himself.
Finally, are you like me and use a highly-developed sticky note system, or have you incorporated other executive management systems into your life?
Let us know in the comments below what system you use to help plan, manage, or complete tasks in your life!
