2e Back-to-School Survival Guide: Executive Function Tips That Actually Work from Seth Perler

Sep 8

As the new school year begins, many parents of twice-exceptional children find themselves facing familiar challenges. Your bright, capable child who can discuss quantum physics or create elaborate fantasy worlds might struggle to remember their homework or keep track of a simple daily routine. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—and more importantly, you're not failing as a parent.

Recently, executive function expert Seth Perler joined our YSA community for an insightful conversation about supporting our twice-exceptional learners. After seven years of running his acclaimed summit and working with thousands of families, Seth shared the core principles and practical strategies that can transform how we approach executive function challenges in our homes.

Understanding Executive Function: More Than Just Organization

Executive function isn't simply about having a clean backpack or color-coded folders. It's how our brain's prefrontal cortex—the area right behind our forehead—helps us execute complex tasks. This includes everything from focusing during a conversation to resisting the urge to pet the dog when we should be working, from managing emotions when frustrated to prioritizing what needs to happen next.

For our 2e learners, this creates a unique paradox. The same brain that can master advanced concepts often struggles with seemingly simple tasks like getting out the door on time or starting homework. This happens because the prefrontal cortex continues developing until age 25-30, creating a significant gap between what the world expects and what our children can neurologically deliver.

Perhaps most importantly, executive function is deeply contextual. Your child may demonstrate strong organizational skills in one situation but struggle significantly in another. This variability happens because so many factors influence their brain's capacity in any given moment. For example, when they're thinking about social issues, feeling tired, or managing stress, their executive function capacity can diminish—even if they've successfully handled similar tasks before.

The Four Pillars That Really Matter

After seven years of hosting summits, interviewing dozens of experts, and receiving thousands of emails from families, Seth has discovered something profoundly reassuring: the same core themes emerge repeatedly from professionals across the field. This isn't coincidence—it's validation that supporting children with executive function challenges doesn't require mastering dozens of complex strategies. Instead, lasting change comes from understanding and implementing four foundational principles that experts consistently return to because they work.

You Are the Perfect Parent for Your Child

This powerful reframe emerges consistently because so many parents carry crushing guilt about their parenting journey. When your child struggles with executive function, it's easy to believe you're somehow failing them. The truth is more compassionate: you didn't choose this path, but you're exactly the right person to walk it with your child. Your unique combination of strengths, experiences, and love creates the perfect environment for your child's specific needs. This isn't about perfection—it's about permission to stop comparing yourself to other parents and trust that your deep knowledge of your child makes you uniquely qualified to support them.

Relationship Comes First

In our achievement-oriented culture, it's easy to get caught up in grades, test scores, and organizational systems. But every expert returns to the same fundamental truth: your relationship with your child is more important than any academic outcome. This matters because the quality of your relationship directly impacts your child's willingness to accept support and persevere through difficulties. Prioritizing relationship means making time for connection that isn't focused on tasks—conversations about their interests, shared experiences that bring joy, simply being present together. These moments become the foundation that sustains you both through the inevitable struggles.

The Deep Inner Work

Supporting a child with executive function challenges inevitably becomes a journey of personal growth. You might find yourself noticing your own patterns of reactivity, discovering your own executive function challenges, or realizing that your anxiety about your child's future stems from your own experiences. This inner work isn't a distraction from helping your child—it's essential. When you process your own triggers and learn to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, you model crucial skills while creating a calmer home environment that benefits their developing brain.

Emotional Regulation and the Nervous System

This pillar focuses on understanding how stress and overwhelm impact executive function. When your child's nervous system is activated—from academic pressure, social stress, or daily task management—their brain prioritizes survival over complex thinking. Learning to recognize signs of nervous system activation in both yourself and your child becomes crucial. This might involve teaching your child to notice physical sensations like racing hearts or tense shoulders, developing new vocabulary around emotions, and incorporating movement, breathing exercises, or quiet time into your routine to support regulation.

Practical Strategies That Work

While relationships and emotional regulation form the foundation, our children also need concrete tools and systems. The key is focusing on principles rather than products—building neuronal connections through consistent practice rather than searching for the perfect planner or app.

Start with Visual Systems

Every family should have large wall calendars displaying important dates, deadlines, and events. These aren't daily planners but big-picture visual reminders that help developing brains understand time and anticipate what's coming, such as appointments, family events and school related deadlines. Place them where your child naturally looks—study areas, bathrooms, or hallways.

For younger children, borrow strategies from early elementary teachers: visual schedules with pictures, routine cards, and step-by-step displays that make abstract concepts concrete.

Choose the Right Planning Tools

For middle and high school students, monthly planners work better than daily or weekly versions. Young people with executive function challenges need to see the bigger picture—understanding that a school year is just ten months divided into manageable chunks. Remove all extraneous pages from planners and focus solely on the calendar function.

Digital tools can work, but remember the principle: out of sight, out of mind. Whatever system you choose must be visible and easily accessible.

Implement Daily Planning Practice

Each evening, have your child write down three to five things they plan to accomplish. This isn't about perfection—many days they might not complete anything on their list. The goal is building the neural pathways associated with planning through consistent practice.

Think of it like learning a musical instrument. You don't expect beautiful music on day one, but through regular practice, skills develop naturally over time.

Focus on Principles, Not Products

Ask yourself: Is this tool helping my child build reliable skills for managing their responsibilities? A simple notebook your child actually uses is more valuable than the most sophisticated app that sits ignored. The goal isn't finding the perfect system—it's helping your child develop consistent habits around planning and organization. Whether they use paper calendars, digital tools, or a combination doesn't matter as long as the system is accessible, reliable, and actually gets used. Success comes from building skills through practice, not from having the latest organizational gadget.

When Things Go Backward

Many families worry when their child seems to regress, especially during times of stress or significant life changes. This is completely normal and often temporary. Trauma, major transitions, or even the accumulated stress of high expectations can impact executive function, even in children who previously showed strong skills.

When this happens, return to the foundations: prioritize your relationship, focus on emotional regulation, and temporarily reduce academic pressure if needed. Your child's long-term wellbeing matters more than any single semester or assignment.

Embracing a Different Timeline

One of the most liberating realizations for many families is understanding that development doesn't follow a rigid schedule. Your child might need more time to develop executive function skills, and that's not a deficit—it's simply their unique developmental pattern.

This means advocating for your child when necessary. Sometimes that means writing to teachers to explain that your child couldn't handle their homework load and needed to prioritize their mental health. Sometimes it means allowing natural consequences to occur in safe situations where your child can learn without catastrophic results.

The goal isn't to rescue your child from every challenge, but to provide appropriate support while they develop their own capabilities.

Looking Forward with Hope

Remember that children with executive function challenges often develop into highly creative, innovative adults. Their brains, which seem disorganized during the school years, often become their greatest strengths in adulthood. Your job isn't to fix your child—it's to support them as they learn to work with their unique neurological makeup.

The strategies and principles Seth shared aren't complicated, but they do require consistency and patience. Focus on building skills rather than achieving perfection, prioritize your relationship over any organizational system, and trust that with time and support, your child will develop the executive function skills they need to thrive.

Most importantly, remember that this journey isn't just about helping your child succeed in school—it's about raising a human being who understands their own needs, can regulate their emotions, and has the tools to create a fulfilling life in whatever way that looks for them. That's work worth doing, and you're the perfect parent to guide them through it.

About Our Speaker

Seth Perler is a leading executive function coach who has dedicated his career to supporting students with ADHD and executive function challenges. For seven years, he has hosted the Take Control of Your Life Summit (TFOS), bringing together experts from around the world to share evidence-based strategies for supporting struggling learners. Seth's approach emphasizes building relationships and understanding the whole child, not just implementing organizational systems. His work has helped thousands of families transform their approach to executive function challenges. You can learn more about Seth and access his free resources at his website, or join the thousands of families who attend his annual summit each fall.

About Young Scholar's Academy

Young Scholars Academy is an innovative educational community designed specifically for gifted and twice-exceptional learners. Founded on the principle that every child deserves an education that honors both their intellectual gifts and unique learning needs, YSA offers accredited programs that blend academic rigor with executive function skill-building in a supportive online environment. With over 150 classes ranging from advanced academics to creative pursuits, YSA creates a space where 2e students can explore their passions while developing the life skills they need to thrive. The academy regularly collaborates with leading experts in gifted education to provide families with cutting-edge research and practical strategies, fostering a vibrant community where parents and students feel understood, supported, and empowered to reach their full potential. Ready to join us? Click here to explore open Fall classes.

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