Natural Childsmanship: A Revolutionary Approach to Parenting Gifted and 2e Children
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When traditional parenting approaches fall short with our complex, brilliant children, it's time to look beyond human behavior patterns to the wisdom of the natural world.
If you've ever felt like conventional parenting advice doesn't quite fit your gifted or twice-exceptional child, you're not alone. These remarkable children—with their intense emotions, fierce independence, and unique neurological wiring—often require approaches that honor both their giftedness and their specific challenges. That's exactly what Dr. Lesli Preuss addressed in her recent presentation to the Young Scholars Academy community, introducing a groundbreaking framework she's developed called "Natural Childsmanship."
From Natural Horsemanship to Natural Childsmanship
Dr. Preuss, a licensed clinical child and family psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with 2e children, discovered something remarkable while working with horses on her ranch. Traditional horse training methods, much like traditional parenting approaches, often relied on force, dominance, and the expectation that the animal (or child) should simply understand and comply with human demands.
But natural horsemanship revolutionized animal training by recognizing that horses have their own language, communication style, and needs. Instead of forcing horses to speak "human," trainers learned to communicate in ways horses could understand, building trust and cooperation rather than fear-based compliance.
Dr. Preuss began to see striking parallels between the horse world and child development. She realized that we often expect children to understand adult language and communication patterns, but we rarely take the time to learn theirs. This insight led to her development of Natural Childsmanship—a framework focused on understanding and communicating in the language children naturally use, rather than demanding they adapt entirely to ours.
This insight is particularly powerful for parents of gifted and 2e children, who often experience the world more intensely and may have communication styles that don't align with traditional expectations.
The Three Pillars of Natural Childsmanship
1. Understanding Energy and Pressure & Release
One of the most transformative concepts Dr. Preuss shared is the idea of "pressure and release." Just as horses respond to physical and energetic pressure, children are constantly reading and responding to the energy we project.
The key insight: When a child starts complying with a request, we need to immediately release the pressure. If we continue applying pressure when they're giving us what we want, they become confused about whether they're actually meeting our expectations, leading to second-guessing and potential meltdowns.
Practical application:
Start with soft energy—don't come in with intensity right away
Only add pressure as needed
The moment you see movement in the right direction, back off
Turn your body away, soften your gaze, give them space
Dr. Preuss shared a personal example that many parents will recognize: she realized she was continuing to hover and apply pressure even when her daughter was actively doing what was asked of her. Her daughter had to point out that she was already cleaning the dishes—so why was mom still in her space? This moment of awareness helped Dr. Preuss understand the importance of stepping back once compliance begins.
2. Being the Right Kind of Alpha
The term "alpha" has gotten a bad reputation in parenting circles, but Dr. Preuss reclaims it in its natural context. In the wild, alphas aren't mean or aggressive—they're responsible for the survival and wellbeing of their entire pack. They maintain order not through dominance or cruelty, but because they understand that the whole group depends on clear structure and leadership.
What this means for parents:
You are the captain of your family ship—someone needs to be in charge, and it shouldn't be the child
Alphas are calm, consistent, and communicative
They define rules and boundaries not through aggression, but through clear, consistent communication
They model the behavior they want to see
For gifted and 2e children, who often have strong wills and intense personalities, having a calm, confident leader actually provides security and structure they desperately need.
3. Clear, Consistent Communication
Children start life communicating almost entirely through nonverbal means and gradually develop verbal communication skills. But even as they become more verbal, they're still highly attuned to our nonverbal cues. Dr. Preuss emphasized that our body language—eye rolls, sighs, shoulder shrugs, or even the way we move around the kitchen—sends powerful messages to our children about our emotional state and their perceived "goodness" or "badness" in the moment.
Communication strategies:
Say what you mean and mean what you say
Be aware of your nonverbal communication
Ask with the energy you want returned
When children respond with high energy, model bringing it down rather than matching their intensity
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Special Considerations for Gifted and 2e Children
Individual Differences Matter
Dr. Preuss emphasized that children aren't broken and don't need fixing—they come with their own temperaments, sensitivities, and neurological differences. The goal isn't to change the child, but rather to adapt our leadership style to work effectively with who they are. This perspective is particularly important for 2e children, who may have heightened sensitivities to sensory input, emotional intensity, or processing differences.
The PDA Connection
For children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), the pressure and release concept becomes even more critical. These children are hypervigilant to demands and often believe that giving in even slightly will result in escalating demands.
Dr. Preuss's approach focuses on celebrating tiny steps forward. If a child simply picks up a pencil and writes their initial, that's enough for the day. This unexpected response often surprises children in a wonderful way, and frequently leads to them volunteering to do more once the pressure is removed.
Multiple Children, Different Approaches
Parents often struggle with feeling like they're being "unfair" when different children require different approaches. Dr. Preuss advocates for honesty with children about these differences. She suggests explaining that fair doesn't mean equal—some children need more support with homework because it's harder for them, while others might need more help with organization or social situations. The key is acknowledging these differences openly rather than pretending all children should be treated identically.
Practical Strategies for Daily Life
The "Puppy Jumps" Approach
Borrowed from dog training, this concept involves rewarding any movement in the right direction, no matter how small. If your child grabs their shoes but doesn't put them on, that's movement toward compliance. Acknowledge it, release pressure, and see what happens next.
Managing Transitions and Energy
Be aware of the energy you bring when picking up your child from school or entering a room
If you're having a bad day, communicate that: "This has nothing to do with you. I just got off a horrible work call. Can we listen to one song so I can get my mind back?"
Similarly, if your child gets in the car throwing their backpack and "humphing," pause and address it: "I'm picking up on negative energy. What happened today?"
Consistency Across Contexts
Children quickly learn our patterns and will test boundaries when they think we won't follow through. Dr. Preuss stressed that consequences must be consistent regardless of the circumstances—whether we're in public, it's bedtime, or we're feeling exhausted. Children are incredibly perceptive and will quickly identify when we're less likely to enforce our boundaries.
The Long View: This Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Perhaps most importantly, Dr. Preuss reminded parents that raising children—especially complex, gifted children—is a marathon. The idea that children become independent adults at 18 is unrealistic. Parenting continues throughout our children's lives, though it evolves and changes form as they grow. Understanding this long-term perspective can help parents be more patient with the process and avoid burning out by trying to rush developmental milestones.
The goal isn't to "fix" our children or force them into compliance, but to help them develop the skills they need to navigate the world while honoring who they are. This requires patience, flexibility, and the willingness to adapt our approaches as our children grow and change.
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Moving Forward: Embracing Natural Childsmanship
For parents of gifted and 2e children, Natural Childsmanship offers a framework that honors both the child's unique needs and the family's need for structure and harmony. It's about learning to speak our children's language while still maintaining our role as loving, consistent leaders.
The approach requires us to:
Pay attention to our energy and its impact on our children
Practice pressure and release timing
Communicate clearly and consistently
Adapt our leadership style to each child's needs
Embrace the long-term nature of parenting
As Dr. Preuss concluded, parents need to embrace their role as calm, consistent leaders in their homes. This kind of leadership—rooted in understanding, flexibility, and clear boundaries—helps develop children who grow into calm, consistent, and communicative young adults.
Remember: your gifted or 2e child isn't broken and doesn't need fixing. They need understanding, appropriate support, and parents who are willing to learn their unique language. Natural Childsmanship provides a roadmap for exactly that kind of responsive, empowering parenting.
About Dr. Lesli Preuss
Dr. Lesli Preuss is a licensed clinical child and family psychologist with more than 25 years of experience practicing and leading in medical centers and schools across six states. She has been working in the twice-exceptional space since before there was even a label for it—back when it was simply called "gifted and learning disabled."
Dr. Preuss specializes in the treatment of 2e and intellectually gifted children and adolescents, as well as children diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, and anxiety. As a result of her extensive experience, she created the Buddy Building Camp (affectionately known as "Buddy Camp"), which provides fun summer experiences for children with special needs using animal-assisted therapy at her ranch.
Her Natural Childsmanship program, which she has officially trademarked, combines her expertise in child psychology with insights from natural horsemanship to create a revolutionary approach to parenting and education. She operates a private practice both in Studio City, California, and at her ranch in Agoura Hills, where she offers Natural Childsmanship parenting seminars and animal-assisted therapy.
Dr. Preuss serves on multiple educational nonprofit boards and works with the National Consortium for 2e Children and Adolescents. She regularly provides professional development and leadership training not just for families and schools, but also for corporations seeking to improve their management and communication practices.
About Young Scholars Academy
Young Scholars Academy is a supportive community dedicated to serving gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) children and their families. Through innovative educational programs, expert-led workshops, and a nurturing community environment, YSA helps brilliant, complex children thrive academically, socially, and emotionally.
Founded by Mr. Sam, who brings extensive experience in gifted and 2e education, Young Scholars Academy offers both academic courses and invaluable parent education through their speaker series, featuring leading experts in the field of gifted and twice-exceptional education.
To learn more about Young Scholars Academy's programs, summer camps, and parent resources, visit their website or join their vibrant community of families navigating the unique joys and challenges of raising exceptional children.